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Read Û PDF, DOC, TXT or eBook È Jill Rigby Jill Rigby È 4 Download Read & Download Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World Well done brings Lets sum up the different results of these two parenting goals Self Esteem Self Respect Happiness which is fleeting Joy which is lasting Greed Gratitude Arrogance Obedience Insecurity Confidence Discontentment Contentment Futility Perseverance Self centeredness Others centeredness Ill mannered Well mannered The result of parenting to build self esteem Undisciplined rude greedy disrespectful and ill mannered children The result of parenting to develop self respect Disciplined caring productive respectful and well mannered children Unfortunately because our society for the past four decades has emphasized self esteem rather than self respect in kids we have fardisrespectful children than respectful children Conseuently old fashioned courtesies are considered unimportant and weve lost our moral foundation We Lost Our Manners and Therefore Lost Our Morals TODAY ITS THE RARE CHILD who says Please May I help you Yes Sir and Yes Maam Yes Im from the Deep South Frankly I wish the rest of the country would follow us on this one There is no better vehicle for teaching young children respect than through the use of Sir and Maam May I get your chair Excuse me Thank you Im sorry In the uest for self esteem such courtesies have become uncommon at least among the members of the new royalty Little kings and ueens are not expected to humble themselves before others by extending common courtesies Judith Martin better known as the syndicated columnist Miss Manners offers this insightful explanation of the critical importance of manners The attitude that the wishes of others do not matter is exactly what manners are intended to counter And no one has yet come up with a satisfactory substitute for family etiuette training in the earliest years of life to foster the development of the child in such principles of manners as consideration cooperation loyalty respect As a result of the ever wider abandonment of home etiuette training schools have become increasingly stymied by problems they identify as lack of discipline and commitment to moral behavior A society can hope to function virtuously only when it also recognizes the legitimacy of manners Respect lies at the heart of manners and morals A persons respect for authority respect for others and respect for self go a long way toward determining the moral decisions that person makes Manners instilled in the early years become the foundation for moral behavior in the later years Respect for ourselves guides our morals respect for others guides our manners Laurence Sterne Scripture affirms the relationship of morals and mannersthe content of the heart morals is the basis for outward behavior The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks Good people do good things because of the good in their hearts Bad people do bad things because of the evil in their hearts Your words show what is in your heart Its who you are not what you say and do that counts Your true being brims over into true words and deeds In other words the respectful child produces good deeds from a good heart and a disrespectful child produces bad deeds from a corrupted heart Whatever is in your childs heart determines what your child will say and do If you want to raise respectful children in a disrespectful world you must command their respect through a balance of love and discipline especially in the little things When it comes to working with kids the little things are the big things And the younger the child theimportant the little things Raising respectful children reuires loving your child enough to not give in to the indulgent reuest of the moment It means loving your child enough to stop what youre doing to fully listen When your children respect you they willeasily respect God and in the process respect others and themselves Is it possible to fill the hearts of our children with the right stuff Can we raise respectful children in a disrespectful world Youd better believe it Its not as hard as you might think It just takes spiritual muscle and emotional fortitude Both are within reach if you know where to turn The next generation is ready for the absolute truth They want and need the world to be turned right side up again Its our duty to develop the spiritual muscle needed to help them Your Charge JESUS ASKED THE FATHER NOT to take His disciples out of the world but to protect them from the evil in the world Our charge as parents is to prepare our children to be in the world and not of the world We must train them to stand on their own two feet With loving guidance our children can affect the world without becoming infected by it You can euip your children with humble confidence so they can handle whatever comes at them Its not your childrens minds that will help them do that but their hearts Let the disrespectful world blow its fierce winds You can still raise respectful children in this disrespectful world who will be able to withstand the onslaught of the stormJill Rigby tells us in practical words what we all need to not only hear but do This book should be reuired reading for all parents Kathie Lee Gifford Today co host of Kathie Lee t want those things for their child or for our society Melinda Schmidt host on Moody Radio In this age of overindulgence and underparenting.Read Û PDF, DOC, TXT or eBook È Jill Rigby
Read Û PDF, DOC, TXT or eBook È Jill Rigby Jill Rigby È 4 Download Read & Download Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World What Went Wrong DAYS PASSED WEEKS passed Months turned into years The winds kept blowing We have been loving ourselves believing in ourselves esteeming ourselves and teaching our children to do the same Look at the devastation left behind A mortgage meltdown was brought about by folks who boughtthan they could afford because they believed they should have it anyway Sports heroes are stripped of their titles because they choose to use performance enhancing drugs to avoid defeat and ensure their victories Twenty somethings incapable of taking care of themselves are returning home to be taken care of by someone else One in four marriages among baby boomers in their fifties are ending in divorce because theyre looking for happiness On a reality TV show a girl planning her sixteenth birthday party wants a major road blocked off so a marching band can precede her grand entrance on a red carpet These are examples of the aftermath of self esteemtwo generations drowning in narcissism The danger signs were right in front of our noses Forthan ten years Manners of the Heart has been sounding the alarm trying to convince our society that if we do not take shelter from the storm we will suffer the conseuences We saw what the inevitable outcome of self esteem would be from our immersion in the day to day work of helping parents raise children and teachers teach children who were lost in themselves either self conceited or self conscious Why did anyone ever think that raising children to believe in themselves love themselves and esteem themselves would lead to anything but narcissism Jean Twenge author of The Narcissism Epidemic notes In trying to build a society that celebrates high self esteem self expression and loving yourself Americans have inadvertently creatednarcissistsand a culture that brings out the narcissistic behavior in all of us In this chapter you will find there is a window of hope If we raise the present generation to believe in others love others and esteem others this generation can recover from the damage of self esteem and lead a restoration of respect that can rebuild our society WHEN I WAS GROWING UP people werent perfect but society was certainlycivil The line between right and wrong was clear There was a sense of law and order Teachers were teachers So teachers taught Parents were parents So parents parented Kids were kids So kids obeyed Respect for authority was paramount Service to others and respect for property were natural elements of community Teaching manners and instilling character were the cornerstones of public education Parents looked at the right side of the report card conduct before they looked at the left grades Kids got in a lottrouble if they were disrespectful to a teacher than if they made a B minus Times past werent perfect but there certainly was an attitude of respectfulness thats now missing Today we live in a society where A high school valedictorian chose to use profanity in her graduation address even in the presence of young children And to make matters worse her father supported her decision to stand her ground when she was asked to apologize and refused Incessant texting takes place at the family dinner table in classrooms in boardrooms while driving and even during face to face conversations Foul language is used in public not only by males in the presence of females but by females in the presence of males I could fill this book with one example after another of disrespectful behavior How did this happen How did our respectful world become so disrespectful We substituted self esteem for self respect and in the process we lost our manners We Replaced Self Respect with Self Esteem MORE THAN TWENTY YEARS AGO when I began visiting my twin sons school cafeteria to teach table manners I had no concept that a volunteer project for a local school would grow into a full character education program that is now being used in schools and homes across the country Since then Manners of the Heart a curriculum for schools and Manners of the Heart at Home a parents guide to the school curriculum have been changing the lives of children families and communities My experience of working with children and parents has convinced me that the troubles of today can be traced back to the early seventies when a group of psychologists began theorizing why the rebellion of the sixties had taken place Some experts concluded that the fifties were a time of such rigidity that teenagers who grew up in the era of rules were destined to revolt The overwhelming majority of professionals however agreed that the reason teenagers rebelled was because of a deep need to be someonenot just an American but an individual Not a member of a corporate body but an individual making his or her own decisions based on personal beliefs not the beliefs of parents or society Believe in yourself became the mantra of the day Specialists began telling parents the secret to raising healthy children was to build their self esteem Books on the subject of self esteem skyrocketed to the top of bestseller lists encouraging parents to be friends not authority figures with their kids Discipline was out Experts said that children needed to make their own decisions Slowly but surely children became the center of the universe Parents today are still being told that the secret to raising healthy children is to build.
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Read Û PDF, DOC, TXT or eBook È Jill Rigby Jill Rigby È 4 Download Read & Download Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World Their self esteempraise em in the morning praise em at the noontime praise em when the sun goes down Weve been told to never deny our children anything and to stand against anyone who dares to correct our little onesall with the goal of helping our kids feel good about themselves I received the following letter from parents who did all they were told to do in raising their fourteen year old son He has very low self esteem and very little motivation or desire to succeed in play or academics We try to use positive reinforcement and praise him for completing projects or whatever we see him do well or put effort into We make a point not to compare him to other children but he tries hard to be like others he really doesnt know what he likes or even who he is He is in trouble at school almost every day for disrespect and we know that he can do better he just needs to know that he can and he has to want to try to do better Please help Any suggestions These parents had followed the advice of the day But rather than help their son they had unwittingly hurt him One of my favorite no nonsense parenting experts John Rosemond agrees that by emphasizing self esteem weve lost something of great value Character development has been de emphasized and psychological development has become the focus As this babble rose to a din our collective perceptions of children began to change We began to view them not as fairly durable little people who needed to be taught respect responsibility good manners and the like but as fragile little containers of something called self esteem which could be irreparably damaged with a harsh word As a result of this emphasis on self esteem twenty somethings are returning home rather than facing the world on their own College kids are flunking out because they dont know how to manage their schedules Kids are growing up without problem solving skills because their parents think love means solving all their problems for them Many adolescents have no respect for authority because their parents didnt command their respect Instead these parents gave too much and expected too little In our attempt to build self esteem in children we have reared a generation of young people who are failing at life havent a clue who they are and are struggling to find a reason for living These kids fall for the latest craze healthy or unhealthy It doesnt matter as long as theyre in the middle of it They would rather die than give up their cell phones And they feel that others have an obligation to serve them Roy F Baumeister professor of psychology at Florida State University was a proponent of self esteem in the early seventies but has since changed his views Forty years later Baumeister now recommends Forget about self esteem and concentrateon self control and self discipline Recent work suggests this would be good for the individual and good for societyand might even be able to fill some of those promises that self esteem once made but could not keep I agree Rather than seeking to build self esteem in our children we need to focus on building self control and self discipline which will develop self respect Many people use the words self esteem and self respect synonymously but I believe the two are worlds apart When we seek to help kids feel good about themselves the goal of self esteem we teach them to focus on themselves and how they feel and what they want I believe this perspective keeps children from participating in the world it encourages them to see everything as if looking into a mirror so they grow up believing its all about me Kids raised with a focus on self esteem have an unbalanced view of the world They live by the motto I want it and I want it now Kids with this attitude arent exhibiting self confidence They are exhibiting self conceit a view of themselves that says they are superior to others But when we help kids respect themselves we teach them to focus on others and how others feel and what others need This perspective in turn leads children to see everything through a window seeing their own images reflected against the world beyond the glass rather than in a mirror and to grow up believing itsabout others and less about me So whats the bottom line difference between self esteem and self respect Self esteem is me centered while self respect is others centered The uest for self esteem has turned the world upside down Shifting to the pursuit of self respect will turn the world right side up again Why Because kids with self respect put others ahead of themselves They feel an obligation to others and a responsibility to society Bullies cant rock their foundation because kids who have self respect know who they are and what they stand for They have a balanced view of the world Their confidence is balanced with humility they exhibit humble confidence Self respect is the fruit of discipline the sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself Abraham J Heschel If you are parenting to build self respect in your children youll focus on who your kids are becoming rather than on how much you give them Youll teach them how to serve others rather than to expect to be served Youll teach them to contribute to the world rather than to expect the world to give to them Youll teach your kids to do their best whether that means being number one or not and to work toward goals so they can experience the satisfaction and confidence that a job.
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- Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World
- Jill Rigby
- 04 February 2019